So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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