im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
