and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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