she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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