you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
