Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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