Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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