so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
