He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
