Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
