It's Friday. Sex?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
