; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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