so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
