doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
