It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize