I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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