wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
