I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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