My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
