he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
