just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
