i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
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