Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
organizing the empties. That sober.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
