I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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