he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize