You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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