yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
tell me about the eggs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
