I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
