Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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