I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
