if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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