she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
