If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
