Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
