I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
a search helicopter?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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