I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
