he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
