And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
