I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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