He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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