i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
