He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
