I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
