I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
