is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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