Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
