there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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