i think my tv is drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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