Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
