i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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