I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
