it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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