hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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