so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
