dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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