i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
