to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So vagazzling was a success
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
