i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
