If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
