I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
