May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
