why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
