My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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