i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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