I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
