Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
