She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
