i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize