Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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