So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
