just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
soo... how was my night?
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